By Chris Seiter. So, my recommendation to people experiencing that limbo of uncertainty is to do some soul searching and truly think about the answer to this question before the conversation begins. This article is for those who want their exes back.
And for those in this camp — you are in luck! After years of testing a multitude of strategies and observing what works, we are confident we have come up with the most effective strategy to re-attract an ex.
Simply put, re-attracting an ex happens one conversation at a time. I think we can all agree on the wisdom of Confucius. Yet, so often people jump into conversations with their ex and hope for reconciliation but have no plan for how to achieve it. The Value Ladder is essentially the methods of communication you have with an ex.
While the Value Chain is the types of conversations you have with an ex. When I present the idea of the Value Ladder to clients, I tell them to think of it as an actual ladder they need to climb to re-attract an ex. After a breakup, they are at the bottom of the ladder and winning them back is the top. Now, in order to climb the ladder, there are certain ways to communicate with an ex — and not all ways or types of communication are created equal.
For instance, we communicate differently through textphone conversations, video chats, and in person. You can see how each of these methods of communication would carry a different value when it comes to developing a relationship.
If done correctly, an in-person conversation with an ex can be more powerful than a text conversation. Notice how I said, if done correctly.
How to contact your ex boyfriend for the first time after a break up
Step 3 — Meet in person with your ex. Keep it short and unromantic. Go for a cup of coffee. Build more value.
What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back?
Step 4 — Go on a date. This is where the romance begins to flicker, but you do not ask them out just yet. Step 5 — Go on an extremely romantic date with your ex, pull out all the stops, and ask them back out. Now, the mistake that most people make is they climb the ladder too fast without building enough value on each step of the Value Ladder.
But, how do you build value? You cannot build value with an ex — meaning, rapport or any type of attraction — without conversation. Specifically, you should be having five different types of conversations with your ex, otherwise known as the Value Chain, to build value with an ex as you climb the ladder to win them back. Small Talk — The types of conversation you can have with anyone that are not too personal and more superficial in nature. Telling Stories — Stories are often shared with friends or coworkers that you feel some level of comfort and familiarity.
How to talk to an ex after a breakup
You would not, for example, tell a complete stranger a random story. Sharing Opinions — Opinions are somewhat more personal, so these types of conversations usually only happen between you and people you trust. Virgin Ground — This is a conversation over something you have never told anyone and your ex reciprocates with a similar secret.
Sharing Feelings — An intimate conversation where you expose your true feelings for your ex and they reciprocate. You begin at the bottom of the chain with small talk and try to progress your way up to sharing your feelings with an ex, while using different methods of communication. Well, a good rule of thumb is that it is OK to progress when your ex reciprocates or even adds value themselves.
What happens if things do not progress according to the plan? Sometimes, no matter how hard you plan — no matter how much you think through the conversation you will have with an ex — things may not go according to plan. Because, in the end, we have found that organic conversations are most affective. This way, nothing seems forced or planned, and things progress naturally through the phases. Let me tell you a story. When I was in college, I took a Biology class, which basically consisted of three hours of lecture every week.
As you can imagine, Biology was not my cup of tea and I was bored out of my mind. I would entertain myself by scoping out the girls in the class.
There was just one problem. I was a massive coward and too afraid to make a move.
Reason #2: your ex-boyfriend realized that the new girl isn’t right for him and still loves you
Every day, this friend would say hello to me, because we knew each other. Still, I was too cowardly to strike up a conversation with my crush. That is, until my best friend called me out and urged me to come up with a plan to speak to my new crush. So, I spent a few days coming up with my strategy.
Reason #1: your ex-boyfriend can’t get over you
My plan was simple — it just required some courage. I would wait outside of our Biology class next week and, when I saw my crush and this high school friend, I would strike up a conversation and see what happens. I would ask them a question together and get them both involved in the conversation. The more I practiced and rehearsed this scenario in my head, the more confidence I gained. I was ready.
A week passed and there I stood, outside of our Biology class, waiting for the girls to arrive. I thought it would be creepy for me to simply sit next to them, since I never sat there before. But the unexpected happened. Then, just before class began, my crush appeared. The only problem was she was alone — her friend was not with her.
I froze and let her walk right by me. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. My plan was blown, but I could hear my best friend urging me to go for it. So, I did probably the creepiest thing possible. I could see the look of horror on her face.
I took the wrong approach, for sure. But Contact ex boyfriend after breakup did teach me an important lesson in life — no matter how much you plan, there is no guarantee things will work out the way you expect. If only I had thought of a more natural contingency plan — a plan b — because so many things went wrong that I did not anticipate.
Instead, I should have caught up with her after class to make a snarky remark about the boring class. This form of small talk tends to be a more acceptable or natural way to approach a stranger in the Value Ladder. So, if you want to know how you should talk to your ex to get them back, my advice is to be authentic.
It is of vital importance that you let things progress naturally up the Value Ladder and Value Chain. Sure, you can plan the broader strokes of what you want to do and have a strategy. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. My 1 year long boyfriend exclusive relationship but not committed and I broke up due to my own insecurities from past and combining his own. Had a short chat about our jobs. Then 1 week later I texted to tell him that I am changing job and that I am going to shift nearer to his place due to that.
We discussed about general topics. He asked me my opinion on which phone to purchase.
And then I said goodnight as it was late. He said that we will continue our discussion but then never texted back. How long should I wait before texting him again and how to peak his interest in texting? Hey Shybhangi, there are many videos and articles to help you with the texting, be sure to look up Chris method of tide theory and read as many articles as you can about texting your ex.
Hello, My bf of nearly a year broke up with me unexpectedly month and a half ago. He said he was not feeling right and just want to concentrate on himself covid situation did not help! I said ok,no begging or crying.