While many couples see remarriage as a second chance at happiness, the statistics tell a different story. One explanation is the formation of blended families, which can cause loyalty issues with stepchildren and rivalries between co-parents, but there are many other difficulties and stresses that come with remarrying. A foundation of trust and intimacy is vital to beating the odds.
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When people get remarried, they often bring unhealthy relationship patterns and trust issues from their first marriage that can sabotage the new relationship. Sometimes this baggage can cause couples to rush into tying the knot without truly getting to know each other. For instance, if you were betrayed by your former spouse, you may be overly suspicious and lack confidence in your new partner.
It makes sense that a fear of vulnerability can be a real dilemma in a second marriage, yet not expressing our innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes can actually put a relationship more at risk because we lose out on the trust and intimacy that vulnerability offers.
Being vulnerable with your partner can make you feel exposed, but it is the most important ingredient of a trusting, intimate relationship. In Daring GreatlyDr. Accept that there are inevitable ups and downs in remarried life.
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A key issue for remarried couples to address is interpersonal communication. This is especially true when it comes to finances, how to discipline children and stepchildren, personality conflicts in the newly created family, and rivalries between family members. I noticed you unloaded the dishwasher and I really appreciate it.
Practice being vulnerable in small steps Build confidence in being more open with your partner. Discussing minor issues like schedules and meals is a great place to start before tackling bigger matters like disciplining kids or managing finances.
In Marriage RulesHarriet Lerner posits that a good fight can clear the air. Despite this, conflict can be managed successfully and the marriage can thrive!
10 rules for a successful second marriage
Stephanie Manes, LCSW advises us to take a short break if we feel overwhelmed or flooded as a way to restore positive communication with our partner. Communicate effectively Accept responsibility for your role in a disagreement. Embrace your role as a stepparent The role of the stepparent is one of an adult friend, mentor, and supporter rather than a disciplinarian.
Learn new strategies and share your ideas with your partner. When stepparents feel unappreciated or disrespected by their stepchildren, they will have difficulty bonding with them — causing stress for the stepfamily.
Attune to your partner Eye contact and body posture demonstrate your intention to listen and compromise. Practicing what Dr. John Gottman calls emotional attunement while relaxing together can help you stay connected despite your differences.
Five tips for a successful second marriage
Practice forgiveness Accept that we all have flaws. The best way to beat the odds and make your second marriage succeed is to create a culture of appreciation and respect in your home. Determination, respect, acceptance, positive communication, and having a good sense of humor can go a long way in making sure your second marriage lasts a lifetime. If want to build a deeply meaningful second marriage full of trust and intimacy, then subscribe below to receive upcoming blog posts directly to your inbox:.
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Second marriage ideas
Everyone Has Baggage When people get remarried, they often bring unhealthy relationship patterns and trust issues from their first marriage that can sabotage the new relationship. Be Vulnerable It makes sense that a fear of vulnerability can be a real dilemma in a second marriage, yet not expressing our innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes can actually put a relationship more at risk because we lose out on the trust and intimacy that vulnerability offers.
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